Explaining the mancrush: it's not gay...

So yeah, right now I should be studying/researching for the papers that are due after our break but whatever, I'm not really stressed right now. Anyhoo, as for the 2 people (and I'm including myself in this count) who read this blog, you will know that I am studying in the UK. I'm pretty sure that all of you know about how similar the two countries (US and the UK) are and blah blah blah...
So beginning the year off I was kind of assuming that. And then I realized how things are so very different at the same time. For this post I will focus on the idea behind the mancrush - I guess this concept is not necessarily very familiar in the States, as well, but it's a term that I use occassionally and Americans seemed to understand. For the record I am not gay. There is nothing wrong with being gay, I am attracted to women. Along that note, the mancrush is not gay - I guess it can be, at least it can be construed as gay. But the way I use the term mancrush, it is not gay. it's very similar in terms of the bromance - where two guys are just really good friends but spend a little too much time together (maybe bordering on the line b/w gay and straight w/o going over). I guess in a way the bromance starts with the mancrush.
But the way I use tends to be toward the direction of people who are definitely out of reach whether it's because the mancrush is a celebrity or professional bounds would make things really awkward. When a man has a mancrush on another man, he doesn't want to have sex with them or any sort of romantic relationship, it's just that one finds the other to be really cool and want to be close friends with them. However, close friends really doesn't say it very well. I don't want to say best friends either b/c I have a best friend and I don't want my mancrushes to be my best friend. It's at least a situation where one wants to have a relationship with the other to the point where they know pretty much everything about each other. When I was explaining this to my Swedish friend Lena, she equated it to like army buddies. I guess that's the best way to explain things. A mancrush is when one man wants to be army buddies with another man. There. That's a pretty simple, yet complex, and masculine explanation for the mancrush.
However, I'm not saying that army buddies have bromances with each other. They could but mancrushes may or may not lead to bromances. Bromances require that the guys spend all their time together, so essentially their in a nonsexual, nonromantic, heterosexual relationship. Now that I think about it, I think the concept of the mancrush was explained on an episode of Seinfeld. I don't really like that show anyway, but oh well, I tried.
But yeah speaking of being misconstrued as gay. So throughout parts of high school and college, people have called me or have accused me of being gay - I don't mean to use "accused" because that just sounds likes being gay is wrong, but for a lack of a better word, i'm using "accused." It's mainly because I've liked many things that "only gay people would like." you know like singing, dancing, musical theater, fashion (well me not so much but I do like looking good), etc. I have to say what is wrong with our society nowadays? we talk about progress but it seems the concept of the social norm keeps getting stricter and stricter. Afterall in the 1930s to 1950s, the manliest of men were doing things that are now considered gay - mainly singing showtunes. As a matter of fact, in some other societies it is truly honorable to be a master of some art form. There is only one criteria that determines gay or straight or bisexual, and that is the preference of sex (male or female) in a sexual/romantic context. hence the term sexuality. And if a guy is not gay but does a lot of "gay" things he is called metrosexual. Whatever, I guess I can consider myself pretty metrosexual, but then again I'm into martial arts, guns (as long as it is for sport/hunting/target-shooting purposes and not violence), knives, tools, etc. In fact, I consider myself a renaissance man. Yeah, that's it. whatever now back to hitting the books - wassa!!!

Appendicitis scare...

The bandaids are where they stuck me with needles and connected me with saline. The wristbands are a "gift" from the hospital...

So yesterday was one of the scariest days of my life. While out in the field just going over some surveying/ total station stuff, I started to feel some pain in lower abdoman. I felt this kind of pain before, so I thought nothing of it - I could've probably slept through it given the chance. The pain got worse. Eventually I was vomitting up a storm - "luckily" all I had that day was a bottle of Coke. The pain was excruciating! then more vomitting. can't seem to keep anything down. not even water! being so dehydrated, in pain, and vomitting, I decided that I should go to the medical center on campus. Unfortunately I did not have an appointment. I had to wait in the lobby a good hour and a half reeling in pain - I nearly passed out from the pain and dehydration. Luckily the doctor calls my name - yes sweet relief coming up - just pop me some pills and I'll be all better. wrong! The symptoms I was exhibiting pointed to appendicitis. APPENDICITIS!!!!! No! that means surgery!

Eventually I went to the hospital so that the surgeons can give me once over. The surgeon agreed it's appendicitis. So they kept me overnight to run some tests and prep me for possible surger - which meant no food or drink. I was dehydrated as it was, I haven't eaten anything all day, etc. It sucked. on top of that they stuck me with needles. I hate needles - they don't hurt really but something about it just freaks me out. They also hooked me up with a saline solution bag attached to my arm. Those things suck. It made my arm sore and I was freaking out about the needle still being in my vain. I didn't want to move, afraid it might disrupt something and cause massive bleeding in my arm or something...

The people in the hospital were very nice though. Then again they kinda have to be, right? but whatever. And another good point was that there was a television in my room, which made me realize one thing - TV is terrible everywhere... Despite having no energy (with no calories taken in and sleeping only a couple hours the night before) I just could not fall asleep - must've been a little to anxious, I guess.

Eventually, I did fall asleep and the following day (today) I get news from the doctors and surgeons that I do not have appendicitis. Now I was relieved.

Thanks to all the family, friends, and teachers for their concerns!

Reflections as the first term comes to an end...

So we just turned in our last assignment in for the term on Monday. Yay! I guess. then we find out that we have three assignments due early next term and oral presentation. argh. It's kinda funny. by this time last year I had a few grey (gray?) hairs in my head. Yes grad school is a lot of work but I don't seem to be feeling the stress like in undergrad... that's good and all but I kind of miss the motivation that stress can provide. Plus I'm kind of missing the theory involved with archaeology. To much "practical" information and not enough theory. However, practice cannot be acheived without theory to help interpret it. Yeah you can quote me on that. Yeah, think about it.
So Friday was the Xmas Social. It was fun, sorta. I mean I had a good time but felt I really didn't do anything. Not really opening up. Maybe it's because the whole big party scene is not my thing. oh well. at least i got to hear the Con Sci anthem. Interesting... to say the least. Speaking of Xmas, so I read the other day about Obama getting a "holiday tree" for the White House. So there are some hardcore rightwing christians who talk about how the country is going to hell for not celebrating the christian-ness of the country and that there would be no Christmas tree without Christmas. To them I call bullhonkey! I'm pretty sure the idea behind the Christmas tree like many other traditions surrounding Christmas came from pagan rituals. So in fact "Holiday Tree" is a more appropriate name. Now I'm just ranting... I'll rant on other stuff in a later post, I promise. :)
Speaking of Christmas, this is going to be the first Christmas away from home/family. it's sad. everybody I told of my plans are sympathetic. oh well. at least my brother is coming over, hopefully. whatever...
Lately I've been thinking a lot about death. I guess that doesn't come to much of a surprise; afterall, I am dealing with death in my area of studies. But it's making me question a lot about life and religion... during my time at Notre Dame, it was nice having people around me who were so faithful to their beliefs. However, unlike many I started to question my religious beliefs. I'll admit that I was a pretty religious person going into ND. However, when leaving I wasn't so sure. Now being immersed with issues of death (and going to a secular school), I'm becoming more unsure of what to believe, yet at the same time somethings are being reaffirmed. I want to believe that there is something out there. but sometimes my thoughts just scare me. However, there are things in this world that do comfort me. Mainly music. Yes, you can try explaining it with science but ultimately science really cannot explain it at all. Music tells me that there is something greater. It unifies us, it is universal, yet so different. So in the end, can I say music is my religion? at least music is my proof of some greater thing. Of course, I mean good music - no country and hardcore rap :)
On a lighter note, I need/want a haircut.