Wow! Three posts in one week... Either I'm not doing my work or whatever...
The thing is I really should be doing my work right now. I'm not even halfway done with an essay and yet I'm writing a blog post (it's due on monday). jeez, I hate procrastinating. but the thing is I've hit the wall. I have no idea what I'm doing for this paper. This is also coming from the fact that I bombed one of my previous papers... argh! Then again looking at the comments for that paper I deserved that grade. Sometimes my writing sucks... but whatever. This is a time to just pick myself up and work even harder.
That's thing how am I supposed to improve if I have no idea what I'm doing? I usually do bounce back pretty well but it usually takes some time for me to get back on the saddle. It seems I've hit the wall with this post as well...
So for filler's sake let's talk about random things...
Weird thing just now, have you ever noticed when drinking cherry coke, if you leave the last few drops in the glass for like a few minutes, it tastes like cinnamon? yeah, think about it.
I think I'm going to try something new with my posts... I'm going to end each one with a random Simpsons quote (yeah, think about it):
Quimby: I give you our 39th president Jimmy Carter!
Spectator 1: ah c'mon!
Spectator 2: He's history's greatest monster!
Thursday, 14 January 2010
Wednesday, 13 January 2010
Living Life Passionately
First off, I can't believe I didn't say this in my last post but HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!
I just want to say that I am feeling much better since the time of my last post. Maybe I just needed to write/type things out to let me feel better... On that note this post will be somewhat related to my last post. I want to talk of something that is very important to me, and that point is passion.
I have noticed a few things about the people. But one thing that seemed to perturb me the most is the fact that people here seem to lack passion. When I say that people lack passion, I am not saying that the English are not good at anything, it's just that people don't really seem to have a love of what they are doing. Furthermore, people don't seem to lose themselves in the moment.
Let me illustrate with a few examples. The other day there was some free concert thing with one of the musical groups on campus. While they were technically sound, they lacked a little something to make it a great performance. In my opinion, it's that they were lacking passion. They weren't losing themselves to the music. I hate to say it but it ended up being pretty boring.
So for my major/course, we have to attend a few guest lectures who work at forensics labs and such. Almost all of them seemed very pointless for us to attend. In some aspects it was pointless for us to attend those lectures. However, some of the information and talks were quite interesting. The problem is none of them talked as if they had passion for the work they are doing. It essentially ended up being just a "job" to them. Okay, I can understand that, it is a job, but c'mon! They seem to be forgetting that they are working in a forensics lab. They are helping society find justice. It shouldn't have been a job; it should have been a calling.
What is wrong with these people? I shouldn't really say that because there is nothing wrong with them. I have come to realize that it may partially have to do with the education system in England. Essentially by the time people are 14 or 15 they have to decide what field they want to go into. From then on, their education is "limited" to areas relevant to their proposed career paths. You would think that would make for people really knowledgeable about their subject field/occupation but not really. In my opinion, it seems that people are essentially forced into their studies.
In America, we are given pretty much a well rounded education through high school - we should have classes in math, science, history, literature, etc. we should have a dabble in pretty much all fields. even into college or undergrad educaiton, we take a well rounded approach, with some focus going toward your major. Essentially, it isn't until grad school where your education is limited to your career path (even then there is still some leeway about what electives you take). what I'm trying to say is, the American educational system allows us to essentially find what we love to do or grow into loving. We are given this well rounded approach so that we can choose what we are passionate about. As a matter of fact, during my undergrad years I changed my major some three times eventually settling on anthropology, now I love what I am doing. It's this love that drives us (well me anyway) toward excellence. It's almost like the Japanese, if you are going to do something, do it with your entire spirit, which will lead toward perfection (even if perfection cannot be achieved).
However, this doesn't really explain the lack of passion in the music group. As in love, I like to lose myself in the moment, put myself out on the line. In other words, it seems people are afraid to lose themselves in the moment, afraid to be moved. Why is that? I really have no idea. but then again this applies to everyone really. Every once in a while people should be able to lose themselves in a moment. Granted sometimes people can lose themselves in their work, but what I'm saying is people should lose themselves in something that their passionate about... whatever I'm not making much sense anymore...
I just want to say that I am feeling much better since the time of my last post. Maybe I just needed to write/type things out to let me feel better... On that note this post will be somewhat related to my last post. I want to talk of something that is very important to me, and that point is passion.
I have noticed a few things about the people. But one thing that seemed to perturb me the most is the fact that people here seem to lack passion. When I say that people lack passion, I am not saying that the English are not good at anything, it's just that people don't really seem to have a love of what they are doing. Furthermore, people don't seem to lose themselves in the moment.
Let me illustrate with a few examples. The other day there was some free concert thing with one of the musical groups on campus. While they were technically sound, they lacked a little something to make it a great performance. In my opinion, it's that they were lacking passion. They weren't losing themselves to the music. I hate to say it but it ended up being pretty boring.
So for my major/course, we have to attend a few guest lectures who work at forensics labs and such. Almost all of them seemed very pointless for us to attend. In some aspects it was pointless for us to attend those lectures. However, some of the information and talks were quite interesting. The problem is none of them talked as if they had passion for the work they are doing. It essentially ended up being just a "job" to them. Okay, I can understand that, it is a job, but c'mon! They seem to be forgetting that they are working in a forensics lab. They are helping society find justice. It shouldn't have been a job; it should have been a calling.
What is wrong with these people? I shouldn't really say that because there is nothing wrong with them. I have come to realize that it may partially have to do with the education system in England. Essentially by the time people are 14 or 15 they have to decide what field they want to go into. From then on, their education is "limited" to areas relevant to their proposed career paths. You would think that would make for people really knowledgeable about their subject field/occupation but not really. In my opinion, it seems that people are essentially forced into their studies.
In America, we are given pretty much a well rounded education through high school - we should have classes in math, science, history, literature, etc. we should have a dabble in pretty much all fields. even into college or undergrad educaiton, we take a well rounded approach, with some focus going toward your major. Essentially, it isn't until grad school where your education is limited to your career path (even then there is still some leeway about what electives you take). what I'm trying to say is, the American educational system allows us to essentially find what we love to do or grow into loving. We are given this well rounded approach so that we can choose what we are passionate about. As a matter of fact, during my undergrad years I changed my major some three times eventually settling on anthropology, now I love what I am doing. It's this love that drives us (well me anyway) toward excellence. It's almost like the Japanese, if you are going to do something, do it with your entire spirit, which will lead toward perfection (even if perfection cannot be achieved).
However, this doesn't really explain the lack of passion in the music group. As in love, I like to lose myself in the moment, put myself out on the line. In other words, it seems people are afraid to lose themselves in the moment, afraid to be moved. Why is that? I really have no idea. but then again this applies to everyone really. Every once in a while people should be able to lose themselves in a moment. Granted sometimes people can lose themselves in their work, but what I'm saying is people should lose themselves in something that their passionate about... whatever I'm not making much sense anymore...
Saturday, 9 January 2010
Fear of Love
This post was written for a friend who requested that I should update my blog.
So being abroad has allowed me to rethink a lot of the things in life. Well, maybe being in another country didn't make me come up with these revolutions but whatever, I'm coming up with them now. The thing is I'm finding myself to be depressed quite often. I guess it's because I'm quite heartbroken. Let's just say before coming here I fell in love with someone yet it wasn't fully requited. We did date, but she asked if we could put our relationship on hold, at least until we're done with our respective Master's degrees. In other words, we're pretty much broken up. The thing is I really do feel like I'm in love with her, and I did tell her this before we crossed the pond. Frankly, she says that she didn't want to be in the way of me pursuing someone else while I'm here. Why would I want to pursue someone else, when I had everything, all that I wanted?
The truth is I really haven't been able to feel anything for anyone else since. The problem is the whole concept of love. Frankly, I may just love too much. But in the end is that really a bad thing? For me I guess it can be. The thing is, when I fall for someone I tend to fall hard. I put myself out on the line each time. Each time it has ended in heart break for me anyway. I guess it's because I'm also too emotional. I wish I could control this but it's just too hard.
The only thing preventing me from thinking such sad thoughts is my work. However, my work is only a temporary fix. The problem is, forensic archaeology requires me to see and read quite devastating stuff - mutilated bodies, mass graves, genocide, etc. This only sends me down another spiral of depression (albeit one that's a bit easier to handle). Plus, I shouldn't be a recluse just stooped in my room all day everyday. But that's the thing. I'm cooped up in this so-called "studio-apartment." In other words, most of the time I'm isolated, all alone. My mom thought that this would be a good thing for me, allowing me to concentrate on my work. the problem is it just leaves me alone with only my thoughts, which usually go toward the worst lately. Then again my mom never really understood me anyway, but that's another story.
Yes I've made a few friends here, but nobody that I can really talk to. I miss having roommates around, and be able to have conversations hours on end about anything. Now, I'm feeling sad over missing my friends. Jeez it's a never ending cycle!
The thing is, I just feel people nowadays are afraid to love. They're afraid of the potential for heartbreaks, so they would rather avoid or end things early. Or maybe I'm just stupid enough to actually put things on the line and I have only myself to blame for being depressed all the time? Well at least I'm the one doing it! I'm putting myself on the line so others won't have to I guess (that really didn't make much sense). I just wish that it didn't end with the same result each time. But then again this is the first time, it's lasted this long...
I read some wisdom some time ago that said, "Hearts can be broken, but they can also be fixed." I really like that saying, but the problem is I feel i've broken mine so much it's beginning to void the warranty :) sorry bad joke. Maybe I fell into the whole romantic idea of love and really have no idea what love really is? I'll figure it out sooner or later...
Whatever. I should really get back to work...
Friday, 18 December 2009
Explaining the mancrush: it's not gay...
So yeah, right now I should be studying/researching for the papers that are due after our break but whatever, I'm not really stressed right now. Anyhoo, as for the 2 people (and I'm including myself in this count) who read this blog, you will know that I am studying in the UK. I'm pretty sure that all of you know about how similar the two countries (US and the UK) are and blah blah blah...
So beginning the year off I was kind of assuming that. And then I realized how things are so very different at the same time. For this post I will focus on the idea behind the mancrush - I guess this concept is not necessarily very familiar in the States, as well, but it's a term that I use occassionally and Americans seemed to understand. For the record I am not gay. There is nothing wrong with being gay, I am attracted to women. Along that note, the mancrush is not gay - I guess it can be, at least it can be construed as gay. But the way I use the term mancrush, it is not gay. it's very similar in terms of the bromance - where two guys are just really good friends but spend a little too much time together (maybe bordering on the line b/w gay and straight w/o going over). I guess in a way the bromance starts with the mancrush.
But the way I use tends to be toward the direction of people who are definitely out of reach whether it's because the mancrush is a celebrity or professional bounds would make things really awkward. When a man has a mancrush on another man, he doesn't want to have sex with them or any sort of romantic relationship, it's just that one finds the other to be really cool and want to be close friends with them. However, close friends really doesn't say it very well. I don't want to say best friends either b/c I have a best friend and I don't want my mancrushes to be my best friend. It's at least a situation where one wants to have a relationship with the other to the point where they know pretty much everything about each other. When I was explaining this to my Swedish friend Lena, she equated it to like army buddies. I guess that's the best way to explain things. A mancrush is when one man wants to be army buddies with another man. There. That's a pretty simple, yet complex, and masculine explanation for the mancrush.
However, I'm not saying that army buddies have bromances with each other. They could but mancrushes may or may not lead to bromances. Bromances require that the guys spend all their time together, so essentially their in a nonsexual, nonromantic, heterosexual relationship. Now that I think about it, I think the concept of the mancrush was explained on an episode of Seinfeld. I don't really like that show anyway, but oh well, I tried.
But yeah speaking of being misconstrued as gay. So throughout parts of high school and college, people have called me or have accused me of being gay - I don't mean to use "accused" because that just sounds likes being gay is wrong, but for a lack of a better word, i'm using "accused." It's mainly because I've liked many things that "only gay people would like." you know like singing, dancing, musical theater, fashion (well me not so much but I do like looking good), etc. I have to say what is wrong with our society nowadays? we talk about progress but it seems the concept of the social norm keeps getting stricter and stricter. Afterall in the 1930s to 1950s, the manliest of men were doing things that are now considered gay - mainly singing showtunes. As a matter of fact, in some other societies it is truly honorable to be a master of some art form. There is only one criteria that determines gay or straight or bisexual, and that is the preference of sex (male or female) in a sexual/romantic context. hence the term sexuality. And if a guy is not gay but does a lot of "gay" things he is called metrosexual. Whatever, I guess I can consider myself pretty metrosexual, but then again I'm into martial arts, guns (as long as it is for sport/hunting/target-shooting purposes and not violence), knives, tools, etc. In fact, I consider myself a renaissance man. Yeah, that's it. whatever now back to hitting the books - wassa!!!
So beginning the year off I was kind of assuming that. And then I realized how things are so very different at the same time. For this post I will focus on the idea behind the mancrush - I guess this concept is not necessarily very familiar in the States, as well, but it's a term that I use occassionally and Americans seemed to understand. For the record I am not gay. There is nothing wrong with being gay, I am attracted to women. Along that note, the mancrush is not gay - I guess it can be, at least it can be construed as gay. But the way I use the term mancrush, it is not gay. it's very similar in terms of the bromance - where two guys are just really good friends but spend a little too much time together (maybe bordering on the line b/w gay and straight w/o going over). I guess in a way the bromance starts with the mancrush.
But the way I use tends to be toward the direction of people who are definitely out of reach whether it's because the mancrush is a celebrity or professional bounds would make things really awkward. When a man has a mancrush on another man, he doesn't want to have sex with them or any sort of romantic relationship, it's just that one finds the other to be really cool and want to be close friends with them. However, close friends really doesn't say it very well. I don't want to say best friends either b/c I have a best friend and I don't want my mancrushes to be my best friend. It's at least a situation where one wants to have a relationship with the other to the point where they know pretty much everything about each other. When I was explaining this to my Swedish friend Lena, she equated it to like army buddies. I guess that's the best way to explain things. A mancrush is when one man wants to be army buddies with another man. There. That's a pretty simple, yet complex, and masculine explanation for the mancrush.
However, I'm not saying that army buddies have bromances with each other. They could but mancrushes may or may not lead to bromances. Bromances require that the guys spend all their time together, so essentially their in a nonsexual, nonromantic, heterosexual relationship. Now that I think about it, I think the concept of the mancrush was explained on an episode of Seinfeld. I don't really like that show anyway, but oh well, I tried.
But yeah speaking of being misconstrued as gay. So throughout parts of high school and college, people have called me or have accused me of being gay - I don't mean to use "accused" because that just sounds likes being gay is wrong, but for a lack of a better word, i'm using "accused." It's mainly because I've liked many things that "only gay people would like." you know like singing, dancing, musical theater, fashion (well me not so much but I do like looking good), etc. I have to say what is wrong with our society nowadays? we talk about progress but it seems the concept of the social norm keeps getting stricter and stricter. Afterall in the 1930s to 1950s, the manliest of men were doing things that are now considered gay - mainly singing showtunes. As a matter of fact, in some other societies it is truly honorable to be a master of some art form. There is only one criteria that determines gay or straight or bisexual, and that is the preference of sex (male or female) in a sexual/romantic context. hence the term sexuality. And if a guy is not gay but does a lot of "gay" things he is called metrosexual. Whatever, I guess I can consider myself pretty metrosexual, but then again I'm into martial arts, guns (as long as it is for sport/hunting/target-shooting purposes and not violence), knives, tools, etc. In fact, I consider myself a renaissance man. Yeah, that's it. whatever now back to hitting the books - wassa!!!
Wednesday, 16 December 2009
Appendicitis scare...
The bandaids are where they stuck me with needles and connected me with saline. The wristbands are a "gift" from the hospital...
So yesterday was one of the scariest days of my life. While out in the field just going over some surveying/ total station stuff, I started to feel some pain in lower abdoman. I felt this kind of pain before, so I thought nothing of it - I could've probably slept through it given the chance. The pain got worse. Eventually I was vomitting up a storm - "luckily" all I had that day was a bottle of Coke. The pain was excruciating! then more vomitting. can't seem to keep anything down. not even water! being so dehydrated, in pain, and vomitting, I decided that I should go to the medical center on campus. Unfortunately I did not have an appointment. I had to wait in the lobby a good hour and a half reeling in pain - I nearly passed out from the pain and dehydration. Luckily the doctor calls my name - yes sweet relief coming up - just pop me some pills and I'll be all better. wrong! The symptoms I was exhibiting pointed to appendicitis. APPENDICITIS!!!!! No! that means surgery!
Eventually I went to the hospital so that the surgeons can give me once over. The surgeon agreed it's appendicitis. So they kept me overnight to run some tests and prep me for possible surger - which meant no food or drink. I was dehydrated as it was, I haven't eaten anything all day, etc. It sucked. on top of that they stuck me with needles. I hate needles - they don't hurt really but something about it just freaks me out. They also hooked me up with a saline solution bag attached to my arm. Those things suck. It made my arm sore and I was freaking out about the needle still being in my vain. I didn't want to move, afraid it might disrupt something and cause massive bleeding in my arm or something...
The people in the hospital were very nice though. Then again they kinda have to be, right? but whatever. And another good point was that there was a television in my room, which made me realize one thing - TV is terrible everywhere... Despite having no energy (with no calories taken in and sleeping only a couple hours the night before) I just could not fall asleep - must've been a little to anxious, I guess.
Eventually, I did fall asleep and the following day (today) I get news from the doctors and surgeons that I do not have appendicitis. Now I was relieved.
Thanks to all the family, friends, and teachers for their concerns!
Saturday, 12 December 2009
Reflections as the first term comes to an end...
So we just turned in our last assignment in for the term on Monday. Yay! I guess. then we find out that we have three assignments due early next term and oral presentation. argh. It's kinda funny. by this time last year I had a few grey (gray?) hairs in my head. Yes grad school is a lot of work but I don't seem to be feeling the stress like in undergrad... that's good and all but I kind of miss the motivation that stress can provide. Plus I'm kind of missing the theory involved with archaeology. To much "practical" information and not enough theory. However, practice cannot be acheived without theory to help interpret it. Yeah you can quote me on that. Yeah, think about it.
So Friday was the Xmas Social. It was fun, sorta. I mean I had a good time but felt I really didn't do anything. Not really opening up. Maybe it's because the whole big party scene is not my thing. oh well. at least i got to hear the Con Sci anthem. Interesting... to say the least. Speaking of Xmas, so I read the other day about Obama getting a "holiday tree" for the White House. So there are some hardcore rightwing christians who talk about how the country is going to hell for not celebrating the christian-ness of the country and that there would be no Christmas tree without Christmas. To them I call bullhonkey! I'm pretty sure the idea behind the Christmas tree like many other traditions surrounding Christmas came from pagan rituals. So in fact "Holiday Tree" is a more appropriate name. Now I'm just ranting... I'll rant on other stuff in a later post, I promise. :)
Speaking of Christmas, this is going to be the first Christmas away from home/family. it's sad. everybody I told of my plans are sympathetic. oh well. at least my brother is coming over, hopefully. whatever...
Lately I've been thinking a lot about death. I guess that doesn't come to much of a surprise; afterall, I am dealing with death in my area of studies. But it's making me question a lot about life and religion... during my time at Notre Dame, it was nice having people around me who were so faithful to their beliefs. However, unlike many I started to question my religious beliefs. I'll admit that I was a pretty religious person going into ND. However, when leaving I wasn't so sure. Now being immersed with issues of death (and going to a secular school), I'm becoming more unsure of what to believe, yet at the same time somethings are being reaffirmed. I want to believe that there is something out there. but sometimes my thoughts just scare me. However, there are things in this world that do comfort me. Mainly music. Yes, you can try explaining it with science but ultimately science really cannot explain it at all. Music tells me that there is something greater. It unifies us, it is universal, yet so different. So in the end, can I say music is my religion? at least music is my proof of some greater thing. Of course, I mean good music - no country and hardcore rap :)
On a lighter note, I need/want a haircut.
So Friday was the Xmas Social. It was fun, sorta. I mean I had a good time but felt I really didn't do anything. Not really opening up. Maybe it's because the whole big party scene is not my thing. oh well. at least i got to hear the Con Sci anthem. Interesting... to say the least. Speaking of Xmas, so I read the other day about Obama getting a "holiday tree" for the White House. So there are some hardcore rightwing christians who talk about how the country is going to hell for not celebrating the christian-ness of the country and that there would be no Christmas tree without Christmas. To them I call bullhonkey! I'm pretty sure the idea behind the Christmas tree like many other traditions surrounding Christmas came from pagan rituals. So in fact "Holiday Tree" is a more appropriate name. Now I'm just ranting... I'll rant on other stuff in a later post, I promise. :)
Speaking of Christmas, this is going to be the first Christmas away from home/family. it's sad. everybody I told of my plans are sympathetic. oh well. at least my brother is coming over, hopefully. whatever...
Lately I've been thinking a lot about death. I guess that doesn't come to much of a surprise; afterall, I am dealing with death in my area of studies. But it's making me question a lot about life and religion... during my time at Notre Dame, it was nice having people around me who were so faithful to their beliefs. However, unlike many I started to question my religious beliefs. I'll admit that I was a pretty religious person going into ND. However, when leaving I wasn't so sure. Now being immersed with issues of death (and going to a secular school), I'm becoming more unsure of what to believe, yet at the same time somethings are being reaffirmed. I want to believe that there is something out there. but sometimes my thoughts just scare me. However, there are things in this world that do comfort me. Mainly music. Yes, you can try explaining it with science but ultimately science really cannot explain it at all. Music tells me that there is something greater. It unifies us, it is universal, yet so different. So in the end, can I say music is my religion? at least music is my proof of some greater thing. Of course, I mean good music - no country and hardcore rap :)
On a lighter note, I need/want a haircut.
Tuesday, 17 November 2009
Update
So I guess I haven't written on this blog for a while...
I guess my life isn't as interesting as I'd hoped it would be to legitimize me having this blog in the first place. Oh well. Since nobody is reading this anyway, I guess it's only for my own personal amusement :-) yay i'm smiling. Oh garsh, I'm a dork. so what's there to update? nothing much I guess. I just got a paper back got a 70% on it... yeah a 70%! the UK grading system sucks. A 70% is good apparently, even on assessments/tests. I mean it's easy to grade papers down to that level but considering 70% to be acceptable on objective tests? talk about mediocrity! I should really stop bashing everything about the UK. I really do like it here. The people are pleasant, the air is always fresh, etc.
plus i'm really starting to feel I made the right choice for schools now... after my last lecture yesterday, I spent three hours with a couple of my lecturers over a couple of pints of beer and nachos, just talking archaeology! how awesome is that. If I could just do that everyday, I would die a happy man (well that is of course I get married and have a couple kids along the process). Oh garsh I am weird. Then again you kinda have to be weird to want to be in a hole that you dug out for a living. I guess that's all for now. I'm tired. g'night!
I guess my life isn't as interesting as I'd hoped it would be to legitimize me having this blog in the first place. Oh well. Since nobody is reading this anyway, I guess it's only for my own personal amusement :-) yay i'm smiling. Oh garsh, I'm a dork. so what's there to update? nothing much I guess. I just got a paper back got a 70% on it... yeah a 70%! the UK grading system sucks. A 70% is good apparently, even on assessments/tests. I mean it's easy to grade papers down to that level but considering 70% to be acceptable on objective tests? talk about mediocrity! I should really stop bashing everything about the UK. I really do like it here. The people are pleasant, the air is always fresh, etc.
plus i'm really starting to feel I made the right choice for schools now... after my last lecture yesterday, I spent three hours with a couple of my lecturers over a couple of pints of beer and nachos, just talking archaeology! how awesome is that. If I could just do that everyday, I would die a happy man (well that is of course I get married and have a couple kids along the process). Oh garsh I am weird. Then again you kinda have to be weird to want to be in a hole that you dug out for a living. I guess that's all for now. I'm tired. g'night!
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